(originally seen on F77)
Dear Dizney World,
There seems to be some concern over whether or not I (World Famous Dave Ensign) am selling stolen shrunken head props from the Magic Kingdom. I very flattered but at the same time I’m also pissed off. Let me lay this situation out for you and put you at ease. To clear my good name even though I’m o… (originally seen on F77)
Dear Dizney World,
There seems to be some concern over whether or not I (World Famous Dave Ensign) am selling stolen shrunken head props from the Magic Kingdom. I very flattered but at the same time I’m also pissed off. Let me lay this situation out for you and put you at ease. To clear my good name even though I’m outraged at your suggestion that I’m a common thief.
It might sound like something from science fiction but there are STILL talented people walking the Earth and making cool stuff. They may not work at Disney but they’re out there. Lots of them. I am one of those people. I have dedicated my entire life to drawing, sculpting, molding, casting, metal working, technology, animatronic production, props, fiberglass, plastics, and anything else it takes to make my vision come true. If I don’t know how to produce a certain portion of my art I LEARN IT AND MASTER IT.
So, I decided I want some JC style shrunken heads just because I feel like having some. I simply feel like it! So what do I do? I gather some reference pictures first thing.
I took these pictures back in ’03. I remember them looking better than this:( I guess they suck up close. I went through some pictures taken from the boat and they look better but only from far away. Being a skilled mother fucker I decide to make my own version. One that looks great from both up close AND far away! Pretty crafty huh?!
Next I go buy myself some oven bake polymer clay. Dizney World, you’d be surprised to know that fancy materials are readily available to pretty much anyone here in the USA. Things like silicone and fiberglass aren’t magical Dizney trade secrets.
I use my craft store clay to sculpt a kick ass shrunken head! I baked it nice and hard. I painted it just because I couldn’t wait to see what it would look like!
Next I go down to Reynolds Advanced Materials where anyone can walk in and have access to a WORLD of wonderful materials. I buy some Rebound 25 Platinum Silicone Mold Rubber. I love this stuff because it’s a real work horse at a good price.
Presto! I made myself a cute ‘lil mold.
Next, I bought some Smooth Cast liquid plastic and poured several heads. Imagine that! The common man can make plastic heads in his garage! We’re living in the future.
See that cement with newspaper on it? That my fucking driveway. Here you see me spraying primer on my plastic heads IN MY DRIVEWAY.
Next I took a trip to one of my favorite places. A discount beauty supply store on south Orange Blossom Trail. I like to buy real human hair extensions because nothing looks like real hair. It might seem scary to go in there because it’s a rough part of town but the owners couldn’t be nicer people. Looky there! That’s my kitchen table!! MY kitchen table. I didn’t steal it from Dizney World. That’s MY beer too.
And that’s how I do it, folks at Dizney! You don’t steal the shitty looking Dizney props, you make your own ultra cool reproduction because you feel like it. THEN you sell as many as you want! Other people buy them because we live in the United States of America and you can do that here!
Somebody owes me an apology.
Make it short. I’m busy coming up with cool stuff.